Beach houses, babes and biscuits

Prologue: After repeated accusations that I write only for the male fraternity, I have made an attempt to satisfy both the female and male species. So don't write hate mails to me this time.

Why would I not buy a home in Goa? Because buying houses cost money. And I am yet to invent a money making machine. (Mental note: search Wikipedia to learn to make money) But out of some drunken madness, if you wrote a cheque to me for a pot full of money, I still will not buy a home in Goa. Ofcourse, the alcohol is cheap and women come there to shed clothes. But I am not falling for it this time. Instead, I will reason out why You should not buy a home in Goa.

All of Goa and its coast is taken. So your dream of a beach house will only remain a dream. There is no point buying a house 10 miles into the mainland. The beaches are where the babes are. The clever you might fancy buying a telescope. However, the suspicious me and my brotherhood in Goa will brand you as Othakan Sivarasan and send you to Bihar. No questions on why to Bihar.

You might still compromise into buying a house well into the city and picking up babes at the bar. But I have some insider information that even the Government of India is unaware of. Goa has been sold to the European Union and America. So any bar you step into, you will have a hundred eyeballs pinning you down, none of them black or brown, until you chicken out and leave.

'You don't know about me. I am a mutant. I am a hybrid between a human and a certain animal that is known for its thick skin.' Your dad was ofcourse well ahead of his time! But, not everyone is. So you will never be one of them. After a few months you will be desperate and try your luckless luck with the locals. But remember, you are not one of them.

'But that is not too bad. I don't have to be around them as long as I have the telescope.' This is where everyone is mistaken. The hot babes leave Goa when the weather is too hot for them. And Goa is hot for most parts of the year. Assuming you managed to find someone pretty, you still need a joshful Shah Rukh Khan to protect you from the goons from the rival gang.

'Women come and go.. But a home few miles from the beach, fried fish fresh from the sea, cheap liquor, I can settle for that.' That is what you will think, until you have a taste of the real Goa. Your 10 rupee tip is no match to the 10 percent that the foreigner leaves behind. You will only be shy of seeing a board at the restaurant that reads 'dogs and you are not allowed.' So that leaves you with only the alcohol. It is true that Goa is full of cheap liquor. And they call it Feni. Drink it once and tell me if you ever want to drink anything liquid again.

'So should I buy a house for the babes then?'

It is a vicious circle!

Epilogue: I did not write anything about biscuits in this post. I didn't intend to. It is just that biscuits rhymed well with beach houses and babes and I included it in the title.

Superman

I waited for a full 2.4 days for Boston to update on our trip to the Stonehenge. He is probably training a speech-to-text software to understand his Anglicised thickly Thamizh-accented Indian English to understand him and write a blog for him. While the world can wait, my writer's itch pleads me to dump him and sketch my version of the trip.

Disclaimer: All ideas to this blog are solely mine and no part is stolen from Boston or Aja.

My arctic trip had skinned me to the bones and I had no money left. So I walked to the office for a week. It was weekend but I had to contend to sitting at home when Boston and Aja rang me up. The plan was already made and I was part of it. We were going to the Stonehenge for the solar solstice.

I knew my finances were bleeding. However, I had an ulterior motive to the trip. The Stonehenge was built in ancient times and it is said that the sun strikes the stones in a certain way on the solar solstice. This unusual event brought druids, tramps, gypsies, pagan worshippers and black magicians to the stones. Now, these people are very interesting people and if they were to congregate at the stones on this day, there must be something in it for all of them. Have you not seen movies where the sun strikes a crystal on a certain date and time, which in turn brings enormous power to the person holding the crystal? And I could be that person holding the crystal. I could become the person I have always wanted to be. I could be Superman!

But did I? That will be my little secret. But just to let you know, my underwear has mysteriously crept over my pants.

Cruel Intentions

It was a disappointment when Kumar stopped blogging. That was understandable. The weight of his new family must have broken his back. But why did the don stop writing? I had my own selfish interests for him to continue to write as he probably was the only one who ever mentions me in a blog!!

'So Don, why have you stopped writing?'
'You probably are the only one who ever reads my blog.'

While I told him that he didn't need a reader to write a blog, I knew it was upto him to write or not.

So why do I write? It is my vent. I am not sure what it is a vent to, but it certainly is very pleasurable to me when I write something. If I had to talk all the rubbish I write, I would have already been killed and mummified as a warning to all the living men and women like me. I stopped advertising my blog sometime ago after someone I knew humiliatingly told me not to send her links to my posts. But that does not stop me from writing, does it? Instead it inspires me to write good (what I think is good) blogs. I wish that one day she reads a good (what she thinks is good) post from my page, chuckles at it and then reads this to realise that it is her that I have mentioned in this post. But I know, it is a cruel world where my cruel intentions will not be realised.

Someday...

Chennai - Rameshwaram - Kanyakumari - Cochin - Goa - Pune - Mumbai - Udaipur - Wagah - Srinagar - Chandigarh - New Delhi - Agra - Kolkata - Puri - Vishakapatnam - Hyderabad - Chennai
~ 7,700 kms