The flavour of the last one year has been weddings. Over the last six months, anyone I call and anyone who calls me has the news. They are getting married soon. So, these days, I invariably start all telephone conversations with a 'congratulations'.
What about the ones that I know are already married? There is a congratulations for them too. They have either taken their first steps towards spreading the human race or have just succeeded in doing so. Why over-crowding our already over-crowded trains, buses and airplanes requires a congratulation is a question which when asked will turn you into a social outcast. So instead, congratulate them and there are good chances that you will be invited for a meal.
That I begin phone calls with congratulations and that more often the congratulations turns out to be real has turned some of the more persevering and therefore not so lucky friends of mine to ring me very frequently lately.
A message to all those of you. Stop calling me. I am losing my new found super-power because of you.
But don't despair. There is a way out.
Turn to god.
Jose has always told me this - When you want something, turn to god. I realised only half its meaning when I found out that gopal turns to god when he wants free sakkara pongal and full meals. But I guess the human mind offers limitless possibilities and gopal was just scratching the surface.
You guys on the other hand can dig a little deeper - wink at the mums or drop your heads at the site of the daughters - and you may end up giving me a call from the temple.
If things don't turn out to be as you expected, you will atleast walk away with a plate full of sakkara pongal!
18 January 2011
25 December 2010
Confessions of a shopophobic
I hate shopping. That is rather incorrect. I am very lazy. Every week, when I shop for groceries, these are the exact four things I buy - Milk, bread, pizzas and apples. Everything else in the supermarket remains blurred in my vision and it is not until someone tells me that the supermarket also sells Maggi that I find Maggi. Can I say that my wants are limited? May be.
The same goes with clothes. Not that I would like to relate myself with early men and shun my clothes, it is again down to pure laziness. It is also due to my inability to choose from an ocean of similar looking shirts, t-shirts and blue jeans. It is the same dilemma and exasperation of having to pick one gorgeous woman amongst a roomful. I am not telling you that that is a dilemma I face every day. So I let my shirts collars break, my waist outgrow my jeans size and lose all the pairs of socks I have until I have to shop again.
Why do people look at you weirdly when you wear a pair of different coloured socks? Yeah, you lose one in a pair and what do you do? Do you chuck the other in the pair away? That is discrimination. So I give these socks another partner so they can have yet another chance at my smelly feet.
(By the way, don’t tell me you didn’t notice my philosophical intones.)
So I am a shopophobic; until the Internet came along and someone invented the Amazon.com
The Internet changed the way I looked at shopping. You see the November Rain video and three days later, you also see my new Keyboard! Wouldn’t it be great if I shot a similar video, say hello to my new handy-cam. Are handy-cams the only way to shoot? Why not get a gun? Tishauyun... (By the way, MI6 and CIA, I know you are reading this. You should know that this is only a model gun. The rest of you, if you ever wanted to see Captain Jack Sparrow’s gun, you know where to come ) What if in a skirmish, my side is defeated and the enemies take me as a prisoner of war but then turn me into a slave. I know what they do to slaves. They make the slaves row ships and beat the ones that are not strong enough to endure hours and hours of rowing. What do I do? I must prepare for any eventual situation and my new rowing machine is what is going to help me.
This is what happens when I have two weeks of holidays and I am sat at home with nothing but an Internet connection. I need to get out of the house and do something. But how? There is no public transport on Christmas and Boxing day.
How would you like to go for a spin in my new car ;)
The same goes with clothes. Not that I would like to relate myself with early men and shun my clothes, it is again down to pure laziness. It is also due to my inability to choose from an ocean of similar looking shirts, t-shirts and blue jeans. It is the same dilemma and exasperation of having to pick one gorgeous woman amongst a roomful. I am not telling you that that is a dilemma I face every day. So I let my shirts collars break, my waist outgrow my jeans size and lose all the pairs of socks I have until I have to shop again.
Why do people look at you weirdly when you wear a pair of different coloured socks? Yeah, you lose one in a pair and what do you do? Do you chuck the other in the pair away? That is discrimination. So I give these socks another partner so they can have yet another chance at my smelly feet.
(By the way, don’t tell me you didn’t notice my philosophical intones.)
So I am a shopophobic; until the Internet came along and someone invented the Amazon.com
The Internet changed the way I looked at shopping. You see the November Rain video and three days later, you also see my new Keyboard! Wouldn’t it be great if I shot a similar video, say hello to my new handy-cam. Are handy-cams the only way to shoot? Why not get a gun? Tishauyun... (By the way, MI6 and CIA, I know you are reading this. You should know that this is only a model gun. The rest of you, if you ever wanted to see Captain Jack Sparrow’s gun, you know where to come ) What if in a skirmish, my side is defeated and the enemies take me as a prisoner of war but then turn me into a slave. I know what they do to slaves. They make the slaves row ships and beat the ones that are not strong enough to endure hours and hours of rowing. What do I do? I must prepare for any eventual situation and my new rowing machine is what is going to help me.
This is what happens when I have two weeks of holidays and I am sat at home with nothing but an Internet connection. I need to get out of the house and do something. But how? There is no public transport on Christmas and Boxing day.
How would you like to go for a spin in my new car ;)
2 December 2010
Dumb and Dumber
Having lost a lot of time waiting for my 'Smart' phone, I decided to not waste any more time but make the full use of it at the earliest. So I went to the nearest pub to find out if smart really is the new sexy.
'Hey, I am a really smart guy. And I have a smart phone. Which makes me doubly smart :D'. I turned more heads at once than I ever have.
The Big Bang Theory is not true.
'Hey, I am a really smart guy. And I have a smart phone. Which makes me doubly smart :D'. I turned more heads at once than I ever have.
The Big Bang Theory is not true.
30 November 2010
Fruits of labour
For the last year or more, I have been feeling like a stone aged man dropped off by a time machine into the year 2783. Almost everyone I know has a Smartphone while I had one which did not even have text prediction. I could just about do texts, so strictly speaking; I must have said that I felt like being from the Bronze Age. I drew maps on pieces of paper, wrote down bus timings, and remembered a dozen birthdays and a few phone numbers. The phone rarely rang.
Trying to assimilate into the new world, I decided to buy a Smartphone. There were other reasons too. I am a believer of science. So when The Big Bang Theory proclaimed that smart is the new sexy, I realised the reason behind my limited success with the ladies and wanted to change it at the earliest.
However, just before I decided so, I also conducted a human experiment to understand masculine psyche at modified levels of blood ph.
After fourteen hours of experimenting, alongside some willing friends, we concluded the following:
1.The fruits of labour are much more sweeter than plain indulgence
2.Failing at something once does not mean one should give up
3.Failing at something twice means its time to give up and move on
Why those were the conclusions is still as mysterious as the origin of universe.
So.
So I decided to set out to do something worthwhile to be eligible for the phone. It was also the time when my sister informed me that she was getting married and I decided to write the GMAT – yet another of my logic defying conclusions.
I told myself that if I get a 700 on my test, I would get myself a phone. I got a 680. I knew I had yet another chance before it was time to move on. This time, I decided to get admission in a business school.
Why business school? I had valid reasons for a change
1.Girls, lot of girls
2.Hyderabadi Biryani for breakfast, lunch and dinner
3.Student discount at Dutch Dinners
The school however concluded that I was an evil influence and so will not take me in. Failure No: 2. So I decided to ditch the idea that the fruits of labour are much more sweater than plain indulgence and ordered myself a phone.
Three months later Rosemary Telesco VI arrived in a little white box.
Thus were also born two more life lessons for 2010
1. Plain indulgence is great
2. Conclusions drawn at modified blood pH levels work best only at modified blood pH levels
Trying to assimilate into the new world, I decided to buy a Smartphone. There were other reasons too. I am a believer of science. So when The Big Bang Theory proclaimed that smart is the new sexy, I realised the reason behind my limited success with the ladies and wanted to change it at the earliest.
However, just before I decided so, I also conducted a human experiment to understand masculine psyche at modified levels of blood ph.
After fourteen hours of experimenting, alongside some willing friends, we concluded the following:
1.The fruits of labour are much more sweeter than plain indulgence
2.Failing at something once does not mean one should give up
3.Failing at something twice means its time to give up and move on
Why those were the conclusions is still as mysterious as the origin of universe.
So.
So I decided to set out to do something worthwhile to be eligible for the phone. It was also the time when my sister informed me that she was getting married and I decided to write the GMAT – yet another of my logic defying conclusions.
I told myself that if I get a 700 on my test, I would get myself a phone. I got a 680. I knew I had yet another chance before it was time to move on. This time, I decided to get admission in a business school.
Why business school? I had valid reasons for a change
1.Girls, lot of girls
2.Hyderabadi Biryani for breakfast, lunch and dinner
3.Student discount at Dutch Dinners
The school however concluded that I was an evil influence and so will not take me in. Failure No: 2. So I decided to ditch the idea that the fruits of labour are much more sweater than plain indulgence and ordered myself a phone.
Three months later Rosemary Telesco VI arrived in a little white box.
Thus were also born two more life lessons for 2010
1. Plain indulgence is great
2. Conclusions drawn at modified blood pH levels work best only at modified blood pH levels
17 November 2010
Where is my phone?
Word of caution: If you are looking for a happy ending or do not like whining write ups stop reading right here. If you are some kind of an activist, who believes in that we as a world are moving towards 1984 and wants to do something about it or if you are one of those people who forwards anything and everything that you read to a million people, please read on and spread my message of good will.
The first time I saw the Evo on Youtube, I fell in love with it. I wanted one for myself. But for some reason, the people at HTC thought that the Evo was no good for Europe and announced its prettier cousin, the HTC Desire HD.
From that day, every day, I read and reread every bit of everything there is on the web about the Desire HD, until finally HTC announced that the Desire HD could be pre-ordered through a number of online retailers.
I chose play.com
That was the 18th September 2010. I was expected to receive the phone by the 11th October. But then HTC had issues with the launch that play.com emailed me a delayed delivery for the 19th October.
After a sleepless 18th Oct night, I worked from home on the 19th. As I eagerly sat by the door, time ticked very slowly and soon it was end of the day. I was updated on the 20th that the launch date was reset for the 1st November. Five days later, I received an email confirming that my phone was dispatched and that I should expect the phone in three to five days. I was also provided with a tracking number to track my parcel.
Three days later, it was day 4 and then day 5 and soon it was day 6 and no trace of my phone. On day 7 I called the courier company HDNL and I was promised that I will recieve the phone in 2 days.
Two days later, and another day working from home, the phone did not arrive. So I called the courier company only to be told that the phone was lost.
Logically, I called play.com customer service to inform them what I knew from HDNL. They acknowledged that the phone was lost and I was relieved that they did. Then came the bombshell. Though all parties knew that the phone was lost, I was told to wait for 21 days and call them again to tell them that the phone was lost for them to find me a replacement.
Their logic: Company policy. My IQ has to drop fifty points for me to convince myself that their company policy was brilliant.
After very many minutes of haranguing that the principle reason for pre-ordering a phone was to receive the phone long before most people could get it and that if I waited for 21 days to report that the phone was lost in transit, I could be looking at getting an outdated phone.
I heard a million ‘I understand Sir’s. But I am convinced the lady didn’t get a bit of what I said. Finally, she agreed to send me a refund/replacement letter, which I was to send to play.com at my expense. My £470 was in their bank account, so I had to consent.
A day later, the email had not arrived. So I called them again. This time there a new customer service representative who told me that my phone was dispatched on the 25th October. So I had to run through the entire story with her again and tell them one more time why the 21 day rule is so illogical. She agreed to send me a form and told me that she was sending it as we spoke.
A day later, when the email still did not arrive, I wrote to the customer service through their website the whole history of my problem. The form finally arrived.
Another £5 from my pocket for the special trackable delivery as suggested by play.com, off went the form to them. Having had no response from play.com for the next day delivery post, I called them 3 days later only to find that they had not processed my form. The lady promised she was doing it right away and put me on hold. After several minutes of listening to the same listless music, I was informed that my phone would arrive in three to five days. Seemed like a similar story, but I was optimistic. How many times can they possibly go wrong?
It turns out that they can surprise quite a few. A week later, having not received my phone yet, I called them one more time. The lady at the other end informed me that the phone was dispatched on the 25th October...
As I sit here and write this, I am perplexed at the height of customer service I have received. At two points in the so many times I have called them I mentioned to them that it would be a good idea to sue them for their callous attitude. Their replies were the same. ‘OK’. It seemed like they didn’t care. Why would they? They have my £470. Can I really do something about them? I doubt I could. I do not have the time nor the money to do something. But what would I do if I had the time and money? I would buy the company and rip it apart so there is no play.com. The world would be a better place with one stupid company less.
The first time I saw the Evo on Youtube, I fell in love with it. I wanted one for myself. But for some reason, the people at HTC thought that the Evo was no good for Europe and announced its prettier cousin, the HTC Desire HD.
From that day, every day, I read and reread every bit of everything there is on the web about the Desire HD, until finally HTC announced that the Desire HD could be pre-ordered through a number of online retailers.
I chose play.com
That was the 18th September 2010. I was expected to receive the phone by the 11th October. But then HTC had issues with the launch that play.com emailed me a delayed delivery for the 19th October.
After a sleepless 18th Oct night, I worked from home on the 19th. As I eagerly sat by the door, time ticked very slowly and soon it was end of the day. I was updated on the 20th that the launch date was reset for the 1st November. Five days later, I received an email confirming that my phone was dispatched and that I should expect the phone in three to five days. I was also provided with a tracking number to track my parcel.
Three days later, it was day 4 and then day 5 and soon it was day 6 and no trace of my phone. On day 7 I called the courier company HDNL and I was promised that I will recieve the phone in 2 days.
Two days later, and another day working from home, the phone did not arrive. So I called the courier company only to be told that the phone was lost.
Logically, I called play.com customer service to inform them what I knew from HDNL. They acknowledged that the phone was lost and I was relieved that they did. Then came the bombshell. Though all parties knew that the phone was lost, I was told to wait for 21 days and call them again to tell them that the phone was lost for them to find me a replacement.
Their logic: Company policy. My IQ has to drop fifty points for me to convince myself that their company policy was brilliant.
After very many minutes of haranguing that the principle reason for pre-ordering a phone was to receive the phone long before most people could get it and that if I waited for 21 days to report that the phone was lost in transit, I could be looking at getting an outdated phone.
I heard a million ‘I understand Sir’s. But I am convinced the lady didn’t get a bit of what I said. Finally, she agreed to send me a refund/replacement letter, which I was to send to play.com at my expense. My £470 was in their bank account, so I had to consent.
A day later, the email had not arrived. So I called them again. This time there a new customer service representative who told me that my phone was dispatched on the 25th October. So I had to run through the entire story with her again and tell them one more time why the 21 day rule is so illogical. She agreed to send me a form and told me that she was sending it as we spoke.
A day later, when the email still did not arrive, I wrote to the customer service through their website the whole history of my problem. The form finally arrived.
Another £5 from my pocket for the special trackable delivery as suggested by play.com, off went the form to them. Having had no response from play.com for the next day delivery post, I called them 3 days later only to find that they had not processed my form. The lady promised she was doing it right away and put me on hold. After several minutes of listening to the same listless music, I was informed that my phone would arrive in three to five days. Seemed like a similar story, but I was optimistic. How many times can they possibly go wrong?
It turns out that they can surprise quite a few. A week later, having not received my phone yet, I called them one more time. The lady at the other end informed me that the phone was dispatched on the 25th October...
As I sit here and write this, I am perplexed at the height of customer service I have received. At two points in the so many times I have called them I mentioned to them that it would be a good idea to sue them for their callous attitude. Their replies were the same. ‘OK’. It seemed like they didn’t care. Why would they? They have my £470. Can I really do something about them? I doubt I could. I do not have the time nor the money to do something. But what would I do if I had the time and money? I would buy the company and rip it apart so there is no play.com. The world would be a better place with one stupid company less.
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