Gun culture

A Word of caution: I have been diagnosed as suffering from gender insensitivity. Therefore, the content below might seem vulgar to readers suffering from gender hypersensitivity. I caution those readers to stop reading the post right away.On the other hand, if you are suffering from generosity, please email me your bank account details, so I can use your money to treat my condition.

It was my first day in the UK and I went to the office bathroom for a leak. No sooner than I went inside, I heard gunshots that I had to crouch and take cover under the sink. It seemed like a battlefield with ammunition hurtled relentlessly. I ran out and dialed 100 to call the police. 'Adyar Police station'. Only then I realised that you can not dial 100 to call British police.

Later that afternoon, at lunch, I understood why there was gunfire in the toilet. Britishers eat large portions of meat, particularly cows and pigs. If you are a one-movie-a-day person you might have seen Mangal Pandey. The movie shows British bullet cartridges made out of cow skin and pig fat. If those small bullets, when fired,can make such ear deafening noise that resonates for miles, imagine what these large portions of meat could do.

It is fortunate that many Indians are vegetarians. If the 1.2 billion and growing population was meat eating, we could be firing so loudly that our neighbouring countries could think we are on a war with them and throw nuclear bombs at us. But I have been concerned for some time that many are turning into non-vegetarians; which is why I moved countries. I already look mutated and do not want to aggravate it any further with nuclear exposure. But that's not the only reason why I moved homes. India has tripled its population in the last 50 years. And if we grow at this rate, one day the ground beneath India might give in and we would all make our way to the centre of the earth and be burnt like roasted chicken.

p.s.: Chuchi's facebook wall said a minute ago that there was a tremor in Bangalore, so says Thekri. I am convinced it's not an earthquake but it is the ground beneath that is cracking up.