My mum wanted to visit me on my birthday while I wished to spend the day all by myself. She prevailed. I ended up spending the day in crowded shopping malls, visiting mum’s relatives and friends, and finally someone’s birthday party.
I did not spend any time for myself.
One early morning, my uncle came to my apartment unannounced and made my home his for weeks. He spared nothing. He slept on my bed, scribbled all over the newspaper before anyone could read it, used my toiletries, cell phone and anything and everything I possibly could think of. I asked him to spare the newspaper.
I am now his preposterous nephew.
I was in a meeting at office the other day and the man who sat next to me did not bring a pen or a book even though he knew they are required. He asked me for a paper and I provided him one. Next, he asked me for the pen I had. I told him that I do not share my pen with other people. He did not even seem to care, he plucked the pen from me and started to scribble vigorously.
The tip of my pen bled, leaving a thick blue smudge on the paper as it suffered in his monstrous hand.
23 December 2007
21 December 2007
Blurry to Blind/Bright - D day
I know it before hand if my day is going to be good. There are these cryptic signs that prop and tell me that I am going to have a great day. Today, the signs came back to wish me luck. I woke up to Toshila's Anbudan Suryan FM and she was at her best as ever. Come 8 AM and I moved over to the TV. Sun music was amazing. It belted out hit after hit and the VJs spoke as little as possible. I went to the saloon to have my head shaved. I realised later that it was a very good thing to do if the doctor was going to ask you to refrain from washing your head and face for a week. My last shower for a week to come! 12 PM the taxi arrived. Canal bank road, IIT Madras, Kottur Puram, Frost & Sullivan, Star Rocks, Raja Eye Care.
cash-counter-woman: Sir, we have had some problem with the billing. I think. I think we billed you twice.
Another round of Snellen's chart and other tests and I am in.
he-doc: Could you take off your glasses? I am going to clean your eyes.
He opened a pack and took out a new 'plastic' surgery gown and got me into it. Then came a cap. And socks! I would be better off to call them as polyethylene bags with elastic at the top. I was whisked into the operation theatre, made to lie down on a table and wrapped in a 'plastic' blanket. The table moved by itself until my head came under a set of three lamps which looked like miniature flood lights in a cricket ground.
she-doc: prasanna, I am going to put this sheet on your face so that only your right eye is open for the procedure.
me: (Are you my blood relative? How did you know to call me prasanna?)
The plastic sheet had mild glue that made sure my eye lashes were stuck behind the sheet.
she-doc: I am going to pour a liquid into your eye and it is going to be cold. I am going to wash your eyes.
she-doc: Can you see a green light at the top. Keep looking at it and it will be over in a minute.
she-doc: I am going to make a flap and so stay steady
me: (why is my bum aching? god-damn-it. I must have remembered to take that 5 rupee coin out of my purse.)
The blurry green became blurrier.
she-doc: I am going to pass laser now. So don't try to blink or move your eyes.
It sounded like a driller on a metal sheet.
me: (what if my phone rings now? Have I got it in vibration mode? It is sometimes good that your friends are not too concerned about you.)
she-doc: I am putting back the flap.
she-doc: Try to blink your eyes slowly. Yeah, that is right. Excellent. It has come out very well.
she-doc: Now we will do it on the left eye.
It was the same procedure. I only had different thoughts now.
me: (what if I voluntarily shake my head? Will I go blind on one eye? Then I can be the new otha kan sivarasan!)
me: (How am I going to pay for this when RPL has trumbled to 210? I am not making a loss in anything. No.)
she-doc: Very good.
me: (Hey, you. Why is it not excellent? Answer me now.)
I was walked out of the theatre and my gown, cap and socks were removed. I was given a box full of eye drops and a glass that was big even to MY face. It covered my entire forehead, eyes and nose. Everytime I wanted to breathe, I had to lift the glasses a little and let some air in to my crushed nostrils.
me: (Why is everything dark? And why are my eyes heavy?)
You-know-who listed out a set of do's and don't and fixed an appointment with the doctor at 11 the next day. During my long ride home my head wouldn't move and my chin was perpendicular to the ground for fear that my opened flaps would fall off if I looked down.
cash-counter-woman: Sir, we have had some problem with the billing. I think. I think we billed you twice.
Another round of Snellen's chart and other tests and I am in.
he-doc: Could you take off your glasses? I am going to clean your eyes.
He opened a pack and took out a new 'plastic' surgery gown and got me into it. Then came a cap. And socks! I would be better off to call them as polyethylene bags with elastic at the top. I was whisked into the operation theatre, made to lie down on a table and wrapped in a 'plastic' blanket. The table moved by itself until my head came under a set of three lamps which looked like miniature flood lights in a cricket ground.
she-doc: prasanna, I am going to put this sheet on your face so that only your right eye is open for the procedure.
me: (Are you my blood relative? How did you know to call me prasanna?)
The plastic sheet had mild glue that made sure my eye lashes were stuck behind the sheet.
she-doc: I am going to pour a liquid into your eye and it is going to be cold. I am going to wash your eyes.
she-doc: Can you see a green light at the top. Keep looking at it and it will be over in a minute.
she-doc: I am going to make a flap and so stay steady
me: (why is my bum aching? god-damn-it. I must have remembered to take that 5 rupee coin out of my purse.)
The blurry green became blurrier.
she-doc: I am going to pass laser now. So don't try to blink or move your eyes.
It sounded like a driller on a metal sheet.
me: (what if my phone rings now? Have I got it in vibration mode? It is sometimes good that your friends are not too concerned about you.)
she-doc: I am putting back the flap.
she-doc: Try to blink your eyes slowly. Yeah, that is right. Excellent. It has come out very well.
she-doc: Now we will do it on the left eye.
It was the same procedure. I only had different thoughts now.
me: (what if I voluntarily shake my head? Will I go blind on one eye? Then I can be the new otha kan sivarasan!)
me: (How am I going to pay for this when RPL has trumbled to 210? I am not making a loss in anything. No.)
she-doc: Very good.
me: (Hey, you. Why is it not excellent? Answer me now.)
I was walked out of the theatre and my gown, cap and socks were removed. I was given a box full of eye drops and a glass that was big even to MY face. It covered my entire forehead, eyes and nose. Everytime I wanted to breathe, I had to lift the glasses a little and let some air in to my crushed nostrils.
me: (Why is everything dark? And why are my eyes heavy?)
You-know-who listed out a set of do's and don't and fixed an appointment with the doctor at 11 the next day. During my long ride home my head wouldn't move and my chin was perpendicular to the ground for fear that my opened flaps would fall off if I looked down.
Show time
raja: For god's sake, why don't you put on some clothes?
kiran: why? I used to show it to a lot of people.
kiran: why? I used to show it to a lot of people.
19 December 2007
La Divine Intervention
jose,
I thought of something philosophical this morning.
If a miracle happens, it is called 'the divine intervention'. It can also be called 'la divine intervention', assuming you still remember a bit of your French. Now read it this way. 'La-di-vine intervention'. Ladi is lady meaning woman. Vine and wine have similar pronunciations and so let’s call it wine. And wine is an alcoholic drink. So doesn’t it mean that when a woman and an alcoholic drink intervene in your life, a miracle happens??
It is said that the most complex things have the simplest solutions and I think this is a great example for it. Live your life with wine in one hand and a woman in the other, and all your life is nothing but a miracle.
raja
I thought of something philosophical this morning.
If a miracle happens, it is called 'the divine intervention'. It can also be called 'la divine intervention', assuming you still remember a bit of your French. Now read it this way. 'La-di-vine intervention'. Ladi is lady meaning woman. Vine and wine have similar pronunciations and so let’s call it wine. And wine is an alcoholic drink. So doesn’t it mean that when a woman and an alcoholic drink intervene in your life, a miracle happens??
It is said that the most complex things have the simplest solutions and I think this is a great example for it. Live your life with wine in one hand and a woman in the other, and all your life is nothing but a miracle.
raja
18 December 2007
Kalyana saapadu
While many of us know that prashanth has a bachelor's degree in engineering, what we do not know is that he has a master's in wedding crashing. During his college days, the last week of every month was a week of empty wallets and grand dreams about the impending big cheque that his dad sent at the beginning of the month. This was the time when the master set out exhibiting his expertise.
Here is an excerpt from prashanth on the do's and dont's of wedding crashing.
- ALWAYS wears your best clothes when you crash weddings.
- Know the bride's and the groom's names
- NEVER crashing the same wedding hall more than thrice a year.
- NEVER go in gangs. Split yourself into groups. If you have many friends, enter in intervals of 15 minutes.
- Confidence is the key. Smile at the lady at the reception and feel free to pick a few toffees from her table.
- NEVER acknowledge your friends at the wedding. They are a nobody to you there.
- DO NOT stare at people.
- Go to the dais and shake hands with the couple and but NEVER pose for photographs.
- STOP staring at the ladies; ESPECIALLY the bride.
- NEVER linger in the hall for a long time. pick up your toffees, sit in a mid row until you have munched all your toffees, go up to the groom and bride, shake hands and head straight to the dining place. Once the job is done, make a move.
- If all is well, ask the beautiful lady at the reception if you could take her place while she went to eat her dinner.
- NEVER feel frightened when caught and always be prepared for a sprint.
Here is an excerpt from prashanth on the do's and dont's of wedding crashing.
- ALWAYS wears your best clothes when you crash weddings.
- Know the bride's and the groom's names
- NEVER crashing the same wedding hall more than thrice a year.
- NEVER go in gangs. Split yourself into groups. If you have many friends, enter in intervals of 15 minutes.
- Confidence is the key. Smile at the lady at the reception and feel free to pick a few toffees from her table.
- NEVER acknowledge your friends at the wedding. They are a nobody to you there.
- DO NOT stare at people.
- Go to the dais and shake hands with the couple and but NEVER pose for photographs.
- STOP staring at the ladies; ESPECIALLY the bride.
- NEVER linger in the hall for a long time. pick up your toffees, sit in a mid row until you have munched all your toffees, go up to the groom and bride, shake hands and head straight to the dining place. Once the job is done, make a move.
- If all is well, ask the beautiful lady at the reception if you could take her place while she went to eat her dinner.
- NEVER feel frightened when caught and always be prepared for a sprint.
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