It is a bad idea to spend New Year's eve with a bunch of strangers in an unknown watering hole and in an unknown country. Do not expect any positive turn of events when you are blurry brained by 9pm. But if you have those rare genes to stand up against any amount of brain-wipe, things can get worse. It is a social stigma to be born with sticky feet and even the least attractive of all female species can turn you down on the dance floor. There is a reason why people queue in front of cash machines before a long night of brain damage. You may find out why on another sober Saturday afternoon. Bartenders leave for home at 4AM and bouncers are capable of bouncing you out of a pub. It is not in a bouncer's job description to hire a cab for you. Your bank balance can crash to a scary single digit number and you may walk around the road asking passer-bys for a 5p on New Year's day.
14 February 2011
18 January 2011
Wedding season
The flavour of the last one year has been weddings. Over the last six months, anyone I call and anyone who calls me has the news. They are getting married soon. So, these days, I invariably start all telephone conversations with a 'congratulations'.
What about the ones that I know are already married? There is a congratulations for them too. They have either taken their first steps towards spreading the human race or have just succeeded in doing so. Why over-crowding our already over-crowded trains, buses and airplanes requires a congratulation is a question which when asked will turn you into a social outcast. So instead, congratulate them and there are good chances that you will be invited for a meal.
That I begin phone calls with congratulations and that more often the congratulations turns out to be real has turned some of the more persevering and therefore not so lucky friends of mine to ring me very frequently lately.
A message to all those of you. Stop calling me. I am losing my new found super-power because of you.
But don't despair. There is a way out.
Turn to god.
Jose has always told me this - When you want something, turn to god. I realised only half its meaning when I found out that gopal turns to god when he wants free sakkara pongal and full meals. But I guess the human mind offers limitless possibilities and gopal was just scratching the surface.
You guys on the other hand can dig a little deeper - wink at the mums or drop your heads at the site of the daughters - and you may end up giving me a call from the temple.
If things don't turn out to be as you expected, you will atleast walk away with a plate full of sakkara pongal!
What about the ones that I know are already married? There is a congratulations for them too. They have either taken their first steps towards spreading the human race or have just succeeded in doing so. Why over-crowding our already over-crowded trains, buses and airplanes requires a congratulation is a question which when asked will turn you into a social outcast. So instead, congratulate them and there are good chances that you will be invited for a meal.
That I begin phone calls with congratulations and that more often the congratulations turns out to be real has turned some of the more persevering and therefore not so lucky friends of mine to ring me very frequently lately.
A message to all those of you. Stop calling me. I am losing my new found super-power because of you.
But don't despair. There is a way out.
Turn to god.
Jose has always told me this - When you want something, turn to god. I realised only half its meaning when I found out that gopal turns to god when he wants free sakkara pongal and full meals. But I guess the human mind offers limitless possibilities and gopal was just scratching the surface.
You guys on the other hand can dig a little deeper - wink at the mums or drop your heads at the site of the daughters - and you may end up giving me a call from the temple.
If things don't turn out to be as you expected, you will atleast walk away with a plate full of sakkara pongal!
25 December 2010
Confessions of a shopophobic
I hate shopping. That is rather incorrect. I am very lazy. Every week, when I shop for groceries, these are the exact four things I buy - Milk, bread, pizzas and apples. Everything else in the supermarket remains blurred in my vision and it is not until someone tells me that the supermarket also sells Maggi that I find Maggi. Can I say that my wants are limited? May be.
The same goes with clothes. Not that I would like to relate myself with early men and shun my clothes, it is again down to pure laziness. It is also due to my inability to choose from an ocean of similar looking shirts, t-shirts and blue jeans. It is the same dilemma and exasperation of having to pick one gorgeous woman amongst a roomful. I am not telling you that that is a dilemma I face every day. So I let my shirts collars break, my waist outgrow my jeans size and lose all the pairs of socks I have until I have to shop again.
Why do people look at you weirdly when you wear a pair of different coloured socks? Yeah, you lose one in a pair and what do you do? Do you chuck the other in the pair away? That is discrimination. So I give these socks another partner so they can have yet another chance at my smelly feet.
(By the way, don’t tell me you didn’t notice my philosophical intones.)
So I am a shopophobic; until the Internet came along and someone invented the Amazon.com
The Internet changed the way I looked at shopping. You see the November Rain video and three days later, you also see my new Keyboard! Wouldn’t it be great if I shot a similar video, say hello to my new handy-cam. Are handy-cams the only way to shoot? Why not get a gun? Tishauyun... (By the way, MI6 and CIA, I know you are reading this. You should know that this is only a model gun. The rest of you, if you ever wanted to see Captain Jack Sparrow’s gun, you know where to come ) What if in a skirmish, my side is defeated and the enemies take me as a prisoner of war but then turn me into a slave. I know what they do to slaves. They make the slaves row ships and beat the ones that are not strong enough to endure hours and hours of rowing. What do I do? I must prepare for any eventual situation and my new rowing machine is what is going to help me.
This is what happens when I have two weeks of holidays and I am sat at home with nothing but an Internet connection. I need to get out of the house and do something. But how? There is no public transport on Christmas and Boxing day.
How would you like to go for a spin in my new car ;)
The same goes with clothes. Not that I would like to relate myself with early men and shun my clothes, it is again down to pure laziness. It is also due to my inability to choose from an ocean of similar looking shirts, t-shirts and blue jeans. It is the same dilemma and exasperation of having to pick one gorgeous woman amongst a roomful. I am not telling you that that is a dilemma I face every day. So I let my shirts collars break, my waist outgrow my jeans size and lose all the pairs of socks I have until I have to shop again.
Why do people look at you weirdly when you wear a pair of different coloured socks? Yeah, you lose one in a pair and what do you do? Do you chuck the other in the pair away? That is discrimination. So I give these socks another partner so they can have yet another chance at my smelly feet.
(By the way, don’t tell me you didn’t notice my philosophical intones.)
So I am a shopophobic; until the Internet came along and someone invented the Amazon.com
The Internet changed the way I looked at shopping. You see the November Rain video and three days later, you also see my new Keyboard! Wouldn’t it be great if I shot a similar video, say hello to my new handy-cam. Are handy-cams the only way to shoot? Why not get a gun? Tishauyun... (By the way, MI6 and CIA, I know you are reading this. You should know that this is only a model gun. The rest of you, if you ever wanted to see Captain Jack Sparrow’s gun, you know where to come ) What if in a skirmish, my side is defeated and the enemies take me as a prisoner of war but then turn me into a slave. I know what they do to slaves. They make the slaves row ships and beat the ones that are not strong enough to endure hours and hours of rowing. What do I do? I must prepare for any eventual situation and my new rowing machine is what is going to help me.
This is what happens when I have two weeks of holidays and I am sat at home with nothing but an Internet connection. I need to get out of the house and do something. But how? There is no public transport on Christmas and Boxing day.
How would you like to go for a spin in my new car ;)
2 December 2010
Dumb and Dumber
Having lost a lot of time waiting for my 'Smart' phone, I decided to not waste any more time but make the full use of it at the earliest. So I went to the nearest pub to find out if smart really is the new sexy.
'Hey, I am a really smart guy. And I have a smart phone. Which makes me doubly smart :D'. I turned more heads at once than I ever have.
The Big Bang Theory is not true.
'Hey, I am a really smart guy. And I have a smart phone. Which makes me doubly smart :D'. I turned more heads at once than I ever have.
The Big Bang Theory is not true.
30 November 2010
Fruits of labour
For the last year or more, I have been feeling like a stone aged man dropped off by a time machine into the year 2783. Almost everyone I know has a Smartphone while I had one which did not even have text prediction. I could just about do texts, so strictly speaking; I must have said that I felt like being from the Bronze Age. I drew maps on pieces of paper, wrote down bus timings, and remembered a dozen birthdays and a few phone numbers. The phone rarely rang.
Trying to assimilate into the new world, I decided to buy a Smartphone. There were other reasons too. I am a believer of science. So when The Big Bang Theory proclaimed that smart is the new sexy, I realised the reason behind my limited success with the ladies and wanted to change it at the earliest.
However, just before I decided so, I also conducted a human experiment to understand masculine psyche at modified levels of blood ph.
After fourteen hours of experimenting, alongside some willing friends, we concluded the following:
1.The fruits of labour are much more sweeter than plain indulgence
2.Failing at something once does not mean one should give up
3.Failing at something twice means its time to give up and move on
Why those were the conclusions is still as mysterious as the origin of universe.
So.
So I decided to set out to do something worthwhile to be eligible for the phone. It was also the time when my sister informed me that she was getting married and I decided to write the GMAT – yet another of my logic defying conclusions.
I told myself that if I get a 700 on my test, I would get myself a phone. I got a 680. I knew I had yet another chance before it was time to move on. This time, I decided to get admission in a business school.
Why business school? I had valid reasons for a change
1.Girls, lot of girls
2.Hyderabadi Biryani for breakfast, lunch and dinner
3.Student discount at Dutch Dinners
The school however concluded that I was an evil influence and so will not take me in. Failure No: 2. So I decided to ditch the idea that the fruits of labour are much more sweater than plain indulgence and ordered myself a phone.
Three months later Rosemary Telesco VI arrived in a little white box.
Thus were also born two more life lessons for 2010
1. Plain indulgence is great
2. Conclusions drawn at modified blood pH levels work best only at modified blood pH levels
Trying to assimilate into the new world, I decided to buy a Smartphone. There were other reasons too. I am a believer of science. So when The Big Bang Theory proclaimed that smart is the new sexy, I realised the reason behind my limited success with the ladies and wanted to change it at the earliest.
However, just before I decided so, I also conducted a human experiment to understand masculine psyche at modified levels of blood ph.
After fourteen hours of experimenting, alongside some willing friends, we concluded the following:
1.The fruits of labour are much more sweeter than plain indulgence
2.Failing at something once does not mean one should give up
3.Failing at something twice means its time to give up and move on
Why those were the conclusions is still as mysterious as the origin of universe.
So.
So I decided to set out to do something worthwhile to be eligible for the phone. It was also the time when my sister informed me that she was getting married and I decided to write the GMAT – yet another of my logic defying conclusions.
I told myself that if I get a 700 on my test, I would get myself a phone. I got a 680. I knew I had yet another chance before it was time to move on. This time, I decided to get admission in a business school.
Why business school? I had valid reasons for a change
1.Girls, lot of girls
2.Hyderabadi Biryani for breakfast, lunch and dinner
3.Student discount at Dutch Dinners
The school however concluded that I was an evil influence and so will not take me in. Failure No: 2. So I decided to ditch the idea that the fruits of labour are much more sweater than plain indulgence and ordered myself a phone.
Three months later Rosemary Telesco VI arrived in a little white box.
Thus were also born two more life lessons for 2010
1. Plain indulgence is great
2. Conclusions drawn at modified blood pH levels work best only at modified blood pH levels
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