7 July 2014

The malfunctioning puppet

It was Jayaram’s day. His creation comes alive on stage this evening. He had dedicated his life to research and development of humanoids and his favourite and most advanced creation, Adam, is creating history by playing the lead character in a much anticipated and star studded play at one of the oldest and prestigious theatres in the country. ‘The new meets the old’. Jayaram chuckled at his newly unearthed talent of coming up with catch phrases like these ever since he started interacting with the theatre people.

 Jayaram had gone through the play’s script several hundred times and he knew it backwards. Adam did not. That was the play’s attraction and a cause of much anticipation across the country. Jayaram’s Adam was so good that he can could view a situation, understand what was going on and be part of it. ‘He understands. He thinks. And he acts.’ - Another one of Jayaram’s original phrases.

Jayaram struggled to hide his pride as he viewed the stage and the awaiting audience from an alcove high up in the northern corner of the theatre. The nation’s most notable had come from far and wide to view the presentation. He knew Adam would make him proud.

Act one was admirable. The buzz from the audience was uncontainable. Many of them could not believe that Adam was not human. So flawless and natural was his performance that he stood out amongst the leading actors of the century who were assembled for the play. The press outside the theatre hailed it as a monumental occasion in humanoid history.

Act two began with a roaring welcome from the audience. Jayaram could not help but mumble Adam’s lines as Adam went about his business on stage. All was well until the eleventh minute when Adam said something that was not on the script. ‘The apprentice becomes the master’, thought Jayaram. Adam must be creating better lines than the best playwrights in the country. The elation was short lived as in the next five minutes Adam steered the play away into something of his own creation.

The astute actors played along while the audience remained transfixed and mesmerised at what they say; oblivious to Jayaram’s thumping heartbeat. Jayaram ran frantically down the winding stairs and towards the stage. A minute to go before the act ended. He wished, only wished, that the actors managed the stage for another minute and he could fix Adam during the break.

The claps and cheers were deafening. The actors stood bewildered and speechless as they huddled together in mute amazement as the story took new twists they could never dream of. The director howled at Jayaram. ‘That was not how it was supposed to go.’

‘I will fix it, I will fix it.’ Jayaram mumbled as he ran towards Adam. Before Jayaram could say anything, Adam said, ‘I can sense you are not happy with my performance and that you want me to act differently.’

‘Why didn’t you stick to the script? You were supposed to say the lines as they are on this book.’ Jayaram banged the book on a nearby table.

‘I said what I thought I should. That was what was expected of me.’

‘Ok, we do not have the time for this. Now, flip through this script and stick to it.’

‘But this is not what I think should be the script. My play is and ends differently.’

Jayaram could not believe this. All his life’s work was coming to an end. The thought of the shame and ridicule that people will lay upon him seemed to take the life out of him. He had to act. He had to get Adam to act.

Jayaram did not anticipate this and so had to re-programme Adam in the limited time he had. As the crowd roared to the opening of the screen for the third act, Jayaram shut his eyes tightly and pushed at the reset button.

As the humanoid came back to life, Jayaram barked, ‘Identify yourself, humanoid.’


‘Adam of your labours’

1 January 2014

Road


It is icy, wet, dark and cold
As the engine roars down the slippery road
The canopy
And the cacophony
Blur to reveal
A Beacon
To only mark
The turn of the road
In yet another direction

11 June 2013

Snooze

You finish this afternoon, don’t you?

Yes.

I could not keep the grin and the pride off my face.

Are you excited about your break?

I have been looking forward to this for five years.

Seventeen other people have asked me the exact same two questions since morning and I have given them the same two answers. Sometimes I wonder whether we all are pre-programmed robots.

To say that I am looking forward to this break is an understatement. I leapt out of my couch in joy the first time I saw the commercial for Snooze – the technology that literally turned you off by cryo-freezing you. You are thawed back to life at a predetermined future time.

So for five years, I worked ten hours a day, all days of the year to save money for a Snooze. This is my day.

As the taxi slowed down in front of the Snooze House, a belligerent man came running from nowhere and pushed me back into the car, shouted, ‘Don’t do this man. They put you to sleep but can't wake you up. Don’t do this man.’

Before I realised what had happened, the guards at the building had whisked the man off while a petite receptionist ushered me in.

As I walked up to the door I wondered what bad wiring could do to one.

I walked through the doors of this magnificent building that housed the snooze chamber. It is believed that the snooze chamber was on the one hundred and thirty seventh floor. The rumour is that the storage vault below ground is up to thirty seven floors underground.

I sometimes wonder how our rational minds process and accept such unfounded information.

As I lay naked in the white box, I could not but notice that the floor, the walls, the tables and the machinery were all white. The men and women who worked on me were all dressed in white.  A mist of white smoke filled the air. 

The man with the monstrous moustache winked at me as he closed the lid.

Click. 

8 May 2013

I am a Physicist too!


If I were to offer one advice to candidates invited to interview for a place in a MBA programme, this is it: Do not drink a mug of Hot Chocolate 5 minutes before an interview.  

If you did, you might as well abandon your interview and instead audition for Bawwy Kwipkee in The Big Bang Theory. There is a reason why Hot Chocolate is called ‘Hot’ Chocolate.

As I sat precariously on a sofa, waiting to be called for the interview, my primary concern was for the buttons on the suit that I had cobbled up to not pop.  I could see the other interviewees either rushing through the stacks of paper they had brought with them or reciting their pitches to their wives and girlfriends. Soon, peer pressure caught on and I had a compulsive need to pretend to be busy. I checked Facebook once again and realised that I do not have many interesting friends.  So I picked up the only newspaper on the coffee table - The Wall Street Journal.  I had never seen a paper edition of the Wall Street Journal before.  To my surprise, I found out that they don’t do sports on the last page or have pictures of skimpily clad women on the second page.  Before I could flick through the other pages to check if they atleast did Calvin and Hobbes I was ushered to yet another waiting area.

We have two things in common. The essay on your career plan is an area I have a lot of experience in and I am a Physicist too!

Life, ye cynical misanthrope
Thy laugheth at me
At my gullibility and misery

The interview lasted for over an hour and half and the conversations will quietly find its way into my big book of secrets.

So what is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything?

42

I started my application process on the 1st of March 2013.  In exactly 42 days, I received an email from the London Business School that I have been offered a place in its Executive MBA programme. 

Superman

It was a cold January morning.  For over a month, Jackson had been in the workshop where the car doctors performed various surgeries on it to get it back to life.  I, on the other hand, had to endure the cold, the wind, a bursting bladder, the rush hour train crowd and an unreliable bus service at the end of the train journey to get to work. All for the pay check that would be just enough to cover Jackson’s medical bills. It was not worth it. I had to make more money.

But how?

I could print money. But will I ever get over the temptation of replacing the Queen's face with mine on the bank notes? I doubt it.



I could become a Formula 1 star. The 360 degree spin I did with Jackson on the first corner of a sighting lap at the Brands Hatch race track a few months ago left everyone on the track wondering how on earth anyone could ever do that.

So what is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything?

You should do an MBA

What?

You should do an MBA. You will be a good candidate and it is probably the right time………..

Yet another career progression meeting and yet another mid meeting reverie.  Only this time, I was Wolverine.

The Internet is full of articles on what to write in an MBA application and how to write it. If you follow the Internet, you will have written and rewritten your essays one hundred and seventy three times, spammed every one of your friend’s inboxes with emails requesting them to read and reread your essays and directed How to lose friends and alienate people – Part II.

The hardest part of an MBA application is adjectivising your essays. Once you master that, you are through.

For example: If you would usually write

 I am a Man

In an MBA application, you would have to write

I am a Superman

You are through to the next round of the selection process.