Blurry to Blind/Bright - preliminary examination

I checked in at the hospital at 11 AM for my appointment at 11 30. There must have been a hundred patients and half of them were looking skyward with eyes closed and cotton in hand. There was a tv hanging from the ceiling and a doctor was speaking from it. As I craned myself to understand what he was saying, the doctor disappeared and a magnified view of an eye emerged. We were being shown a taped surgery. The eye was wide open, and then, from nowhere, came something like a scalpel and jabbed at the black of the eye. That was enough. My body went limp while every hair on it stood erect. I am not watching it anymore and please tell me that they are not going to do the same thing to my eyes. And why does the censor board cut scenes with smooth skinned babes but pass such morbid videos? I tried to concentrate on the pleasant things life had to offer. I noticed that most female opthamologists (eye doctors) were good looking but I could no longer appreciate them after the video. I closed my eyes, looked skyward trying to sublime into the motley group when someone called out my name.

The nurse tried to strike a conversation in English as she prepared to check my eye 'power' with the Snellen's chart (Thats a chart with a huge 'A' on top and a random set of alphabets lined up in a number of rows. The letters became smaller and smaller as you went down. If you could read the second last row without doubt, your eye sight is good enough). I replied back in Thamizh. A ploy I use to get special treatment whenever I am speak to someone in Chennai. It worked yet again!

No change in power. Next were the compatibility tests for the surgery. I was passed on from one nurse to another and I couldn't stop but look at in awe at the efficiency of the entire process. After every test, the nurse smiled at me and asked me to wait in the hall adjoining the examining room. I was to be called by someone else in 5 minutes. And it was 5 minutes every single time. The new nurse came in calling for me.

One test I particularly liked was a scan. I was to put my head into a machine that looked like a 1940 still camera and cover myself with a black cloth. From the other end emerged something like an electric blue lightsaber from Star Wars and that was it! A colour printout popped out of the printer with pictures disecting my eyes in all possible angles. It showed my cornea, the retina, all the nerve bundles and a lot more I did not understand. My cornea was thick enough for the surgery.

The nurse for the tear test spoke a lot. She would'nt stop speaking. She handed me a pamphlet that explained the surgery. I pulled out 6 pamplets that the other nurses had given to me earlier in the day and showed it to her. she pursed her lips, let out a wry smile and continued with her lecture. She announced that she was to undertake the pressure test as well. A ball like thing from a machine was to 'gently' press my eyeballs to find out my eye pressure. I better be nice to her. I asked her 'her name'. She had the same name as "You-know-who". Mute. It is better to undergo the pressure test quietly. The pressure was within limits. Nurse 7 continued: 'Now I am going to show you an animation picture'. Me: 'Do you have Tom & Jerry?' She was in splits, laughing so loud that she could be heard at the other end of the hallway. The animation picture was to be a mockup of the surgery.

It was only after four hours I was marked fit for the operation. I had one more Snellen's chart to read before I could go home. The local anaesthetic used for the tests continued to work and I could not even figure out the largest 'A'. But then I had memorised the entire list during my checkup earlier in the day and I could recall every one of them with my eyes closed. The nurse found that out as I was reading with my eyes closed. Nurse 9: 'That's okay. It's just the anaesthetic that is working up. It happens all the time. You are good to go. I will provide you with Shobana's cell phone number and introduce you to her. She will clarify any remaining doubts you have regarding the surgery'. Shobana :D (yamunai aatrilae eerakkaatrilae kannanoadudhaan aada). Nurse 10: 'Yes, how may I help you?' She was the Shobana from Manichithira Thaazhu. Me: Nuh, nothing, I can't think of anything right now. I will call you if something props up.'

Having got my appointment for the operation at 1:30 PM on the 7th, December, I rode back home dizzy eyed.