The General & her Prisoner of War

I went on a trekking trip last Saturday with a friend. We eventually reached a village called Shere (pronounced Shear) after playing lost and found in the woods for 6 hours. 6 hours is a long time. Especially for my bladder. Especially when it was holding the 12 JDs I drank the previous night. The JD had misplaced priorities. Instead of working on my head it was working down there and I had to get rid of it.

After 3 hours of arduous battle I let go of it with a smiling face. I have acquired the habit of posing for pictures these days and I was sure there was some hidden security camera relishing my act.

Shy Eyes (that is her name translated into English) called me disgusting. How can it be disgusting? Rather, it is disgruntling to me. I water the plants but they still ask me to pay at the supermarket for the fruits the plants bear.

Not wanting to offend her anymore (she had the map and the money) I tried to entertain her with some witty jokes I stole from some of the blogs I read. She asked me to stop talking and walk quietly or she would leave me stranded in the woods. I think the blogs I read are not very witty or clever. If I had read Hansel and Gretel instead, I would have brought a bag full of pebbles with me.

Unable to do anything about my situation, I tried to keep quiet and follow her until civilisation. I managed to keep my mouth shut by sticking my upper and lower front teeth with the chewing gum she offered me a while ago. But she did not offer me anything to keep my brain shut. So my brain continued to rattle the usual nonstop nonsense, some of which are below.

1. Why should I be silent to observe nature? Every right comes with a responsibility. If I have the right to observe nature, is it not my responsibility to let nature observe me? How will it observe me if I was quiet? Or am I not part of nature? I am definitely going to hunt squirrels and wear itchy leaf underwear for coming up with this.

2. If she left me stranded, and I called Shaktimaan, will he come here to rescue me? Or is his jurisdiction only within the coverage area of Doordarshan? If so who is responsible for the UK? James Bond? James Bond will not help me as I have been calling myself James Bond when I answer the phone these days and he is mad at me. That leaves me with Austin Powers. But has he returned from the 70s with his mojo? Wish I knew what happened to him. I should not have slept in the second half of the movie.

3. The earth rotates at an angle. All these years, I have lived close to the equator for the angle to have any effect on me and things around me. But now that I live close to the pole, the tilt should have an effect. Will that mean the uphill climb now will be a downhill slope in winter?

4. Are bubble gums biodegradable?

5. Most women I know tell me that the female species is a superior species to men. I grudgingly agree. But why does a superior species always want to mate an inferior species and make babies? Are they not bringing down the intelligence of the offspring by half? So if that half life continued for generations, will there not be a time when the male and female species be equally intelligent? Or stupid? I think the English are approaching that phase. Look at their spellings and you will understand. Shere (Shear), Gloucestershire (Glostersher), Edinburgh (Edinburah)...

I write anymore than this I am going to be hack-saw-ed. But why do people berate me for writing such trash but continue to read them anyway.