Beach houses, babes and biscuits

Prologue: After repeated accusations that I write only for the male fraternity, I have made an attempt to satisfy both the female and male species. So don't write hate mails to me this time.

Why would I not buy a home in Goa? Because buying houses cost money. And I am yet to invent a money making machine. (Mental note: search Wikipedia to learn to make money) But out of some drunken madness, if you wrote a cheque to me for a pot full of money, I still will not buy a home in Goa. Ofcourse, the alcohol is cheap and women come there to shed clothes. But I am not falling for it this time. Instead, I will reason out why You should not buy a home in Goa.

All of Goa and its coast is taken. So your dream of a beach house will only remain a dream. There is no point buying a house 10 miles into the mainland. The beaches are where the babes are. The clever you might fancy buying a telescope. However, the suspicious me and my brotherhood in Goa will brand you as Othakan Sivarasan and send you to Bihar. No questions on why to Bihar.

You might still compromise into buying a house well into the city and picking up babes at the bar. But I have some insider information that even the Government of India is unaware of. Goa has been sold to the European Union and America. So any bar you step into, you will have a hundred eyeballs pinning you down, none of them black or brown, until you chicken out and leave.

'You don't know about me. I am a mutant. I am a hybrid between a human and a certain animal that is known for its thick skin.' Your dad was ofcourse well ahead of his time! But, not everyone is. So you will never be one of them. After a few months you will be desperate and try your luckless luck with the locals. But remember, you are not one of them.

'But that is not too bad. I don't have to be around them as long as I have the telescope.' This is where everyone is mistaken. The hot babes leave Goa when the weather is too hot for them. And Goa is hot for most parts of the year. Assuming you managed to find someone pretty, you still need a joshful Shah Rukh Khan to protect you from the goons from the rival gang.

'Women come and go.. But a home few miles from the beach, fried fish fresh from the sea, cheap liquor, I can settle for that.' That is what you will think, until you have a taste of the real Goa. Your 10 rupee tip is no match to the 10 percent that the foreigner leaves behind. You will only be shy of seeing a board at the restaurant that reads 'dogs and you are not allowed.' So that leaves you with only the alcohol. It is true that Goa is full of cheap liquor. And they call it Feni. Drink it once and tell me if you ever want to drink anything liquid again.

'So should I buy a house for the babes then?'

It is a vicious circle!

Epilogue: I did not write anything about biscuits in this post. I didn't intend to. It is just that biscuits rhymed well with beach houses and babes and I included it in the title.