Hair styling

Cutting your own hair is not such a good idea; especially on a Sunday evening when all barber shops in your town are closed. But I had a reason to cut my own hair. A haircut costs £35 - the money that Rajinikant's hair stylist earns in a month. So I decided to take the matter into my own hands.

I now understand why priests in temples have one small bunch of hair at the top of their heads that is longer than the rest and why some people wear turbans. Cutting your own hair does not always end with the desired result.

The good thing about cutting your own hair is that by the time you are finished with the cutting (which is by the time there is no hair left to cut) you would have styled yourself with 9 different hair-dos. The not-so-good-thing is that the 10th hair-do, which is the final one, always looks the same. It looks exactly like what it would look if you put your head into a burrow full of hungry rats that have not been fed for 13 days.

It will be a very defining moment when I meet my colleagues in the office tomorrow. If they have a laugh at it, I can always blame in on recession and who knows, they could pool in some money for my next hair-cut. But if they like it, then I could have a weekend vocation. I should even think of applying for a patent for my fork cut and retire with all the royalty money I will get from the franchising.

Patent-pending fork cut

If you too are thinking of starting your own hair styling brand, I must warn you that it is not such an easy job. Not only does it take 3 hours to complete, but for the next 3 months nothing would grow on your head - not even dandruff. You have to be ambidextrous; to be able to handle a pair of scissors on your left hand while you operate the hair trimmer on the right. Did I mention that the hair you cut sticks to anything and everything 5 feet around you? Getting rid of it is not easy. But I have a solution. You can wash it down your drain, if you didn't mind your hair clogging your entire street's drainage system.

All barbers cut hair. But they never always end up with patent pending hairstyles. That is because they do not know what I know - yet another of my accidental discoveries.

Half my hair was turning white. While I could fool the Europeans that one of my parents was Finnish and the other Indian; which is why half my hair is white and the other half is black, these second generation Indians in the UK don't believe what I say.

When you have an issue that needs attention, ignore it. When you like to make an issue out of nothing, call your mum for advice. ' Use parachute. How you do think Asian paints make their black paint?'

So that is the secret formula. Every drug has its own side effects. My secret formula has its own. Instead of the 5 feet radius, your hair sticks to a 10 feet radius, and your face, and your shirt, and the mirror, and the trimmer.

Post hair cut question: Are hair trimmers water proof? The mess was so much, that I put the trimmer in a bucket of water mixed with Pantene shampoo to wash off the hair. I am sure they are. Would they have thought about guys like me when they make hair trimmers?